Walk the Plank, Step in Time
by Rapunzel247
Summary: Our favourite pirate, our favourite nanny, some singsonging and a little rum. You get the picture. CrossFic.


**Disclaimer: **PotC and Mary Poppins both belong to Disney.

**Note: **Just a little something I thought up watching Mary Poppins. Enjoy!

_Walk the Plank Step in Time!_

A single drop of rum fell into Jack's lap. "Why is the rum always gone?" he sighed. He pulled himself to his feet and stumbled toward the door of his cabin. "Oh, that's why."

* * *

Rows of pigeon-hole style boxes stretched down the hull of the ship. Most were empty or at most contained empty bottles.

"Oh—" began Jack.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

Jack turned to the sound of the refined voice. "What?"

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," repeated the voice. And from around a pile of paraphernalia stepped a woman in a dark full length coat and red scarf. "It's a word for every situation."

Jack looked her up and down quickly. "What'd be your purpose with coming aboard at this hour?"

"To teach you what to say when you have nothing to say," she said with a smile. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Now, you try."

Jack twitched as he tried to twist his tongue around the word. "Supeleley, supelellyleloooo, su… soufflé, soup, supper…"

Mary Poppins laughed and burst into song.

"_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!_

_Even though the sound of it_

_Is something quite atrocious_

_If you say it loud enough_

_You'll always sound precocious_

_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"_

"Dociousaliexpiisticfagilcalirupes." Jack grimaced.

"But that's going a bit too far, don't you think?"

"_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!_

_Even though the sound of it_

_Is something quite atrocious_

_If you say it loud enough_

_You'll always sound precocious_

_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"_

"Supercaleley, supercalelellyleloooo, super cali... flower, super calibrate..."

The woman reached for a carpet bag at her side and began shuffling through it. Jack eyes widened as she reached deeper and deeper. "A-ha-ha-ha!" she singsonged and pulled a tape measure from her bag.

Jack pulled back when she approached him. "Now, now, I won't hurt you," she soothed.

"Just as I thought," she muttered, reading the measurement. Jack peered over her shoulder curiously. "Practically pirate in everyway. Jack Sparrow."

"Captain," he interjected.

"Well." The woman put down her bag and pulled out an apron.

Jack, however, was not listening to what she said next. He was busy scavenging through her bag. He threw an umbrella over his shoulder, followed by a hat stand and a mirror. The woman winced as it shattered. He pulled a quill pen from the bag, snatched the measuring tape from the woman and scribbled on 'Captain' next to his name. Throwing them aside, he dove back into the bag. "A-ha-ha-ha," Jack imitated the woman as he pulled a bottle from the bag.

He pulled the top from the bottle and sniffed it. "Cheers," he said, chucking the woman a grin and taking a swig from the bottle. "Ah, that's good, that is."

"Now, now," she said, prying the bottle from Jack's fingers. "We don't want to drink all our medicine before we need it now do we?"

Jack blinked. "We don't…" he replied unsurely.

"I have come to help you."

"You? Help me?" Jack got to his feet and looked ready to laugh.

"You are Jack Sparrow, are you not?"

"Captain." Jack peered at her strangely.

"You are Captain Jack Sparrow, are you not?"

"You've heard of me."

"Certainly," she said. "Now, let's not dawdle." She gave the lower deck of the ship one look and wrinkled her nose. "There's plenty to be done and not much time to do it."

"_In ev'ry job that must be done_

_There is an element of fun_

_you find the fun and snap!_

_The job's a game…"_

She motioned to Jack and led him out onto the deck of the ship.

"_And ev'ry task you undertake_

_Becomes a piece of cake…"_

"A lark!"She clicked her fingers and a coiled rope piled up. "A spree!" Again she clicked and an empty bottle bounced down into the lower deck. "It's very clear to see…"

Jack attempted to click his own fingers to no avail. He quickly followed the woman as she disappeared around a mast.

"_That a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down_

_The medicine go down-wown_

_The medicine go down_

_Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down_

_In a most delightful way"_

A man's voice mingled with the woman's carolling. "Chim chiminey, Chim chiminey, Chim chim cher-ee." he sang softly to himself. "A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be." He was carefully adding the finishing touches to a chalking on the deck.

"Oi, mate!" cried Jack.

The drawer looked up. "Mary Poppins! Wot a lovely surprise!"

"Bert," the woman, Mary Poppins, said with a smile.

"Now, hold on, mate," said Jack, rubbing at the picture with his toe. "They'll be no drawing on the Black Pearl." He stopped a moment to study the picture. "What is it?"

"It's the view at the top of the world," said Bert almost wistfully. "Now if Mary Poppins 'ere will treat us to a little magic, I could show you more, I could."

Mary smiled and shook her head a little. "Very well. I suppose we have time."

She took hold of Jack's hand and then Bert's. "One, two, three."

Jack tripped as Mary and Bert jumped. Suddenly they were tumbling down onto a rooftop and a place unlike anything Jack had seen before.

Suddenly out of nowhere a number of blackened faces appeared. Jack propped himself up on his elbows and scrunched his face to say something but Bert interrupted, "Step in time, step in time, come on, mateys, step in time!"

Then the other sweeps joined in. "Step in time!"

"_Step in time, step in time_

_Step in time, step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_Step in time, you step in time!"_

Jack climbed to his feet and stumbled drunkenly toward Mary Poppins who smiled and tapped her foot to the beat.

"Now if you'd do me the most immeasurable favour of telling me exactly what we happen to be doing…"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Will you be good enough to explain all this?"

"First of all I would like to make one thing perfectly clear."

"Yes?"

"I never explain anything."

"Kick your knees up!"

"_Kick your knees up, step in time_

_Kick your knees up, step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_Kick your knees up, step in time!"_

"Boys," began Jack. Suddenly two of the sweeps took Jack by the arms.

"Round the pirate!"

"_Round the pirate, step in time_

_Round the pirate, step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_Round the pirate, step in time!"_

Jack pitched dizzily against a chimney pot. He grimaced and held up one finger as if to make an announcement. "You… uh, you will always remember this as the day… hic! As the day…" He frowned. "Uh, Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Again a couple of sweeps took his arms and belted out at the top of their lungs. "Jack Sparrow!"

"Captain."

"Jack Sparrow, step in time."

"Captain."

"Jack Sparrow, step in time."

"_Captain_."

"Never need a reason, never need a rhyme," they continued. "Jack Sparrow, step in time!"

"Captain!"

One of the sweeps shot Jack a grin and led his mates into another verse.

"_Captain! Step in time_

_Captain! Step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_Captain! Step in time!"_

Suddenly a wave washed over the drawing and it began to melt away. Jack, Bert and Mary along with the singing sweeps appeared aboard the Black Pearl again. They released Jack. He staggered into a mast.

"It's the Black Pearl!" declared Jack, somewhat comforted, hugging the mast.

"_It's the Black Pearl! Step in time_

_It's the Black Pearl! Step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_It's the Black Pearl! Step in time!"_

"What's all this?" inquired Gibbs, who'd appeared to investigate the cacophony.

Jack shot him a look as the madly dancing sweeps took up the chant. They danced along the edge of the ship and up on the masts.

"Oh, shut up!" moaned Jack rubbing his head. The sweeps kept singing and dancing. Jack glanced around his ship and noticed four sweeps dancing on chests of gold. He lurched forward and grabbed at the gold. He hollered at the dancing chimney sweeps, "Walk the plank!"

"_Walk the plank, step in time_

_Walk the plank, step in time_

_Never need a reason,_

_Never need a rhyme_

_Walk the plank, step in time!"_

One by one the sweeps jumped over board. Jack rested against a chest of gold stroking two gold coins in his palm.

An old gnarled hand reached out toward the coins. Jack snatched them away and looked up. There stood two men in suits—one old and one even older.

The oldest one sniffed disdainfully and turned to the other. "Tell him."

The younger of the two coughed and began. "If you invest your tuppence, wisely in the bank, safe and sound, soon that tuppence, safely invested in the bank, will compound…"

"_And you'll achieve that sense of conquest_

_As your affluence expands_

_In the hands of the directors_

_Who invest as propriety demands!"_

"You see, Jack," continued the younger of the old men. "You'll be part of railways through Africa, dams across the Nile, fleets of ocean greyhounds, majestic, self-amortizing canals, plantations of ripening tea…" Both men together concluded:

"_All from tuppence, prudently_

_Fruitfully, frugally invested_

_In the, to be specific,_

_In the Dawes, Tomes_

_Mousely, Grubbs_

_Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!"_

"Now, Jack, when you deposit tuppence in a bank account soon you'll see that it blooms into credit of a generous amount semi-annually and…"

"_You'll achieve that sense of stature,_

_As your influence expands,_

_To the high financial strata."_

"Financial strata?" interrupted Jack to no avail.

"That established credit now commands," continued the younger man. "You can purchase first and second trust deeds."

"Think of the foreclosures!" said the older man.

"Bonds! Chattels! Dividends! Shares!" the younger went on.

"Bankruptcies! Debtor sales!" added the hunched old man.

"Opportunities! All manner of private enterprise!"

"Shipyards! The mercantile! Collieries! Tanneries! Incorporations! Amalgamations! Banks!"

"Did you say ship?" asked Jack.

"You see, Jack…"

"_Tuppence, patiently, cautiously trustingly invested_

_In the, to be specific,_

_In the Dawes, Tomes_

_Mousely, Grubbs_

_Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!"_

The old man grabbed the coins from Jack's hand.

"Oi, mate, I wouldn't be doing that."

Then the younger man solemnly took Jack's hat from his head.

"Uh!" Jack managed before the man's fist when through the crown. "That was my hat!"

He placed it back on the pirates head and both men gravely teetered off. Jack eyed Mary Poppins and Bert accusingly before noticing Bert holding a bright yellow and red kite.

Suddenly his father burst from the cabin, holding a cross frame wrapped with sail. "Let's go fly a kite!" he declared gleefully.

Jack watched in dismay as his crew filed onto the deck, buying kites from Bert.

"_Let's go fly a kite_

_Up to the highest height_

_Let's go fly a kite_

_And send it soaring…_

"_Up through the atmosphere_

_Up where the air is clear_

_Oh, let's go… fly a kite!"_

"C'mon, Jack, me old boy," said Jack's father. He stuffed the thick rope connected to the kite into Jack's hand and then threw it up into the air.

"That's gratitude for you," squawked Mary Poppins' umbrella to her. "Didn't even say good-bye."

"No, he didn't."

"Look at them. You know, he thinks more of their father than he does of you."

"That's as it should be."

"Well, don't you care?"

"Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking," she said briskly.

"Is that so? Well, I'll tell you one thing, Mary Poppins, you don't fool me a bit."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. I know exactly how you feel about that pirate. And if you think I'm gonna keep my mouth shut any longer, I—"

"That will be quite enough of that, thank you." Mary Poppins opened up her umbrella and quickly lifted into the air among the kites.

"Oh, let's go… fly a kite!" warbled Jack's father.

It was the last thing Jack heard as he watched the heavy kite come plummeting down on his head. He was knocked to the floor.

* * *

Jack sat up with a start. He was lying on the deck in the dark with a bottle in his hand. He put it to his lips only to find it dry. He dropped the bottle and considered going to get some more from below. He shook his head and dropped onto his back again.

"Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."


End file.
